Friday, August 10, 2007

Air Rage and the Vigilante Stewardess

By philco

Leopold seemed grouchy. He was still nursing the residue of a hangover after ringing in 2001 in New York City. The successful entrepreneur hopped a Swissair flight to Geneva shortly after 3 p.m. Instead of just sleeping on the flight home, Leopold decided to have a drink. He hoped a good whisky buzz would help him beat back his pounding headache. The first rye and coke did just that. He felt better as he chatted up the English gentleman sitting next to him. They talked about politics, history and the European Union. Leopold pounded back three more drinks. The liquor emboldened Leopold. When he suggested to the Englishman that the 1982 Falklands War was Britain's darkest hour, the collegial chat suddenly turned combative. Before moving to another seat, the Brit told Leopold that if they were not passengers on an airplane, Leopold would be on the receiving end of some unscheduled dental surgery. The Englishman then stormed off leaving Leopold looking like the slurring, slob he pretty much was. The heated exchange was observed by several travelers sitting in nearby seats. Too be sure, Leopold was not winning the public relations war. He looked around and saw the general displeasure of those around him. He then mumbled something about not giving a shit and fell into a slumber in his aisle seat. Leopold slept right through dinner.

January 1, 2001 marked the introduction of a new policy by Swissair. The airline began implementing a new hard-line policy to deal with air rage, a social phenomenon that had become frequent and more hazardous to crews and polite passengers alike. Swissair had specifically trained their flight attendants to subdue unruly passengers and tie them up with plastic cords until the aircraft had landed safely. Then, the offender would be handed over to local authorities. Swissair added several new flight attendants a month before the policy was to take effect.

One recruit was a gorgeous 32-year-old brunette named Katherine. On the surface, Katherine was an innocent yet alluring beauty. However, she was only hired by the airline after accidentally rupturing her Swissair self-defense instructor. The instructor was attempting to warn female trainees not to wrestle with a male air-rager because by nature men had stronger upper bodies. At the time he was straddling Katherine during an impromptu demonstration. As the instructor bragged to the women about his gender's advantage, Katherine grabbed the man's testicles and using extreme force, squeezed and then twisted them like they were silly putty. The startled instructor writhed on the mat in agony. Company officials heard about the incident and hired her immediately. In closed-door meetings, Swissair executives reasoned the instructor's lapse was his own fault but they agreed to fund his testicular rehabilitation. They also hired Katherine immediately.

With her long dark hair and heart shaped derriere, Katherine turned heads up and down the aisle on the New York to Geneva shuttle. Her navy skirt, nylons, and stiletto pumps caused many a gent to peer over his reading glasses to get a second look at heaven. Katherine was especially adept at gently stoking a sleeping pillow under the head of a weary traveler. An hour after dinner had been served most passengers were enjoying a nap. She noticed Leopold slouched over into the seat where the feisty Englishman had been sitting. She tried to straighten his posture and make him more comfortable. Leopold though was not really asleep.

By this time he was ready for another drink. As Katherine gently tried to move him, Leopold made eye contact with her. She smiled and apologized for waking him. He smiled and ordered another rye and coke. Katherine lingered at his side for a moment. She collected her thoughts and turned to fetch the drink for Leopold. She contemplated cutting him off because he been a nuisance earlier but decided not to. Cavalierly, Leopold groped her by her ass and in a very patronizing tone said, "Correction Miss, I'll have a double instead."

Katherine concealed her outrage as she went to fix Leopold's drink. She fumed silently near the galley at the rear of the first class section. The nerve of that man, she thought to herself. Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a man had entered the lavatory adjacent to the galley. She peered back down the aisle and noticed Leopold's seat was empty. Katherine then removed her navy blazer. Her crisp long sleeve white blouse was the ideal fashion compliment to her fit, hourglass figure.

When Leopold exited the washroom, Katherine cornered him and said, "Here's the drink you asked for, sir."

Leopold, gazed at her chest for a moment, before arrogantly asking, "You did pour me the double I wanted, didn't you." Katherine beamed at him.

"Yes, I did...and....if you can drink here in front of me.... I’ll make you another free of charge." Leopold imbibed the TRIPLE without further adieu.

"You sure pour a strong drink, Miss," he said.

"I put my secret ingredient into that last drink," Katherine said. She stared into Leopold's glazed eyes and flashed a flirtatious look at him. "I'll tell you but promise not to tell anyone else," she said. He nodded in agreement. She put her index finger to mouth and motioned him to come forward. He leaned forward to hear what she was about to whisper. She stroked the back of his head gently as she pulled the portly businessman to her bosom. Leopold's whiskey dick was now fully erect as the wildly attractive stewardess tickled his balls with her other hand.

Katherine purred into Leopold's ear. She could feel him melting with anticipation. He licked her earlobe and clamped his hands around her waist. She subtly tightened her grip on his lapel and crossed his eyes with a swift and direct knee right in the crotch. Kim Basinger in the Real McCoy would have been proud. Leopold hit the carpet like an anvil had been dropped on his testicles. He was incapable of speech. Katherine silently marveled at the destruction she had wrought. When Leopold had recovered to the point of speaking, she calmly stomped his groin with her stiletto. He let out a scream of anguish that awakened first class passengers, who were sleeping.

"What's going on?" said one concerned woman. Katherine looked terrified.

"I don't know," she gasped with a look of disbelief. "I told this man he could not have any more alcohol and he grabbed me from behind." Seconds later, Leopold passed out from the pain. Other flight attendants tied Leopold's hands with plastic restraints and moved him to a special holding room. Katherine wrote out a formal incident report, including testimony from the Englishman who had argued with Leopold. Other witnesses corroborated that Leopold's behavior was boorish and fuelled by too much alcohol.

An hour outside Geneva, Katherine reappeared to a spontaneous ovation from the women in the first class section. When she got to the galley, her friend and colleague Carolyn asked her if there was any ice left, because the prisoner requested some.

"For what?" asked a bemused Katherine.

"For his jewels," answered Carolyn. "I think our instructor got off easy compared to that jerk," she added. Katherine nodded, slyly smiled and added a shot of Canadian Club to her ginger ale.

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