Saturday, August 11, 2007

The Fan Club

by Wince

James looked at David and could tell he was not at all nervous. “Have you ever been to one of these?”

“Well, not this particular group, but I’ve visited some other fan clubs in the past,” David replied. “What the hell was the name of this group, anyway?”

James shrugged. “I guess they’re all the same, really.”

“Whoa,” David exclaimed as he looked at one of the many pictures that practically covered every inch of the wall. It was a photo of him when he had done a minor role in some after-school program. It was taken a good ten years before he even started doing “Buffy.”

“I can’t believe they have all this memorabilia of us,” James said. “It’s a little scary, actually.” David made a sound of agreement. He had been waiting in this room with James for at least fifteen minutes now. Presumably, the fan club members were gathering in the main room of the house. He was starting to get a little antsy, when there was a knock on the door. It was this mousy little girl with reddish hair.

“We’re ready for you now,” she said nervously. She had this permanent giggle etched on her face. She took them to the end of a hallway and told them, “Wait here until Sue announces you.”

Sue was the head of the club, a voluptuous blonde who had managed to convince the two young stars to come to one of their club meetings. It was more than her looks that had made the two of them to agree to the invitation. She also had this incredible charismatic power, a subtle but undeniable force of will that men found alluring.

“I am very happy tonight to present to you two of TV’s brightest, and in my opinion sexiest, new actors- ‘Angel’s’ David Boreanez and ‘Dawson’s Creek’s James van der Beek!” Sue’s introduction heralded an explosion of applause and cheering. The two young men sauntered in, glancing over the twenty or thirty wide-eyed ladies that had crammed into this room. They walked up to Sue’s little makeshift podium. Sue gave them each a very tight hug. James gasped when he felt her give a quick cup to his balls. He watched as she gave David a hug, and from his reaction it was clear he got the same treatment at her hands. He nervously adjusted his pants and smiled at the crowd.

As if nothing improper had happened, Sue continued, “If you two don’t mind, I’d like to begin the night with some questions and answers. I’m sure that the ladies have many things they’d like to ask you.” Both David and James nodded. The room was spacious yet small enough that no microphone was needed. A dozen ladies raised their hands and Sue pointed to a deeply tanned brunette.

“This is a question for David. I am so happy that you’re here with us tonight. One of my favorite scenes was in that episode when you and Buffy fought in that mall right after she launched a rocket at that demon.” David smiled. He remembered that episode well.

“My question is- how did it feel when Buffy kicked you right in the crotch at the end of that fight?” David almost choked in surprise. He looked at James, who returned a look of amused shock.

“Um, well, I wore a cup so it didn’t hurt much. Of course, Sarah- who plays Buffy- is quite athletic sooo…” David ended his response with a nervous laugh. He thought he had answered the question sufficiently, but the brunette-indeed, the whole crowd-seemed to wait for him to finish.

He cleared his throat. “Well, I guess, it took a moment… or two… before I was able to walk again.” Everyone clapped at his response. Weird, he thought.

Sue pointed to a shapely teenybopper. “Next question, go ahead.”

The teenybopper looked like she was about to faint from being so close to her idols. “Ok, like, this question is also for David. Like, will you marry me?”

Laughter broke out. ‘No,’ another lady shouted out, ‘he’s going to marry ME, they both are!’ When the laughter died down a little, the teenybopper played with her hair and continued shyly, “No, I’m just kidding! What I really wanted to ask you was if you could recreate a scene for us.”

“Sure. Which one?”

“It’s that same one when you fought Buffy. You don’t have to do the whole fight scene, just, like, do your reaction after she caved in your balls. Oh, oh, make sure you do the facial expressions and the sounds you made, too!” David blinked.

“You’ve got to be joking, miss.” After a short uncomfortable silence, Sue walked up to David. They were whispering, but James overheard something about Sue making it up to David later if he would just answer all the questions tonight. Whether the compensation would be monetary or sexual, James could only guess.

When Sue walked back, David bent forward, an embarrassed look on his face. “Ow, ow, that really hurt when you kicked me in the balls,” he deadpanned in a monotone voice.

“The facial expressions,” reminded the teenybopper, “don’t forget to make the faces. And I don’t think you said all that much. You just kind of moaned a little and grabbed yourself.”

David could feel himself turning beet red. Clenching his jaw muscles in false agony, he cupped his crotch and gave a stifled moan. “Ooooh…Oooo… Ooh.” At which point, he saw a camera flash go off. Everyone started clapping again.

“Hey, was that a picture? I didn’t say you could take a picture!” shouted David feebly. He gave Sue a look, but Sue just smiled and pointed to a lady with shoulder-length, dark brown hair.

“Next question is yours, Bobbi.”

“Well, this question is for the breathtakingly sexy stud monkey, Dawson.” James smiled sheepishly, hoping he wouldn’t have to suffer the same embarrassment they heaped on David. Some of the girls seemed to melt when they saw his smile.

“In the show, you were dating Joey and that other girl, the tough one, what’s her name-


“Whatever. In your opinion, which of the two has sexier feet?” Now it was James’ turn to be speechless. As far as he knew, his mild fetish for women’s feet had never been leaked to the press.

“I guess I would have to say that they are both very, very fine actresses whom I respect a lot and am proud to have the privilege to work with.” The crowd looked at him with a collective annoyed and unsatisfied stare.

Sue intervened. “James, I think, her question is-and Bobbi, please correct me if I’m wrong-is whether you find yourself more sexually aroused when you think of Joey’s feet or when you think of that other girl’s feet. It’s okay; you can take a moment to answer. Just imagine-each of them is separately playing footsie with you under the table. Now you can feel her feet sliding up your leg, sliding slowly, sooo slowly, and yet you have no doubts where her final destination is. The sweat begins to flow in anticipation. Just as you’ve realized that you’ve forgotten to take a breath for the past few minutes, you can feel a tingling as toes caress your inseam, playfully teasing your low hanging masculinity, throbbing and trapped in your too tight briefs…”

James suddenly became conscious of how moist he’d become. He moved to stand right behind the podium, hoping to hide the redwood he’d just sprouted. The podium couldn’t shield his predicament from David who cocked an impressed eyebrow.

“Joey’s feet,” James spurted out, hoping to end this question as quickly as possible. The ladies applauded.

“Our next question is from Annette,” said Sue. Annette was a sexy Latino lady with the build of a fitness instructor. She held some papers in her hand.

“First, I want to tell Mr. van der Beek that I am a big fan of his. I think you are a wonderful, talented actor and I enjoy your work every week. I think the show realistically portrays issues that many teenagers have to deal with day to day.” Finally, thought James, someone who’s normal.

“I have been working on writing a movie script that I hope to submit and it would be a real honor, if you can do a read through of one scene with me.” She stepped up to the front of the room.

James started to panic. His erection had hardly diminished and he didn’t want to show more to this crowd than he’d bargained for. He quickly pulled out his shirt so that they were no longer tucked within his pants. It was a pitiful attempt, providing the least amount of cover for his massive hard-on.

“And can you speak with that accent you used for Varsity Blues?”

“Uhm, sure,” he said with a twang. Everyone clapped.

Annette smiled and handed him a copy of her script. “Now this is a story of unrequited love. This is the scene where Anya-that’s me-discovers that Tony-that’s you-has been sleeping with her sister. Now before we start, you have to take a very arrogant pose, like you’re the king of everything. Yes, lift up your chin a little. Relax your hips a little. Spread your legs apart. A little bit more. Yes, spread them a little more. Perfect!”

Annette stood directly across from him. “Okay, here we go.” She brushed her hair with her fingers and a wild look came into her eyes. ‘Tony, how could you sleep with her? After all I’ve done for you. You know how I feel about you!”

James had a bad feeling about this. But he continued, “Well, you know I like you. But hell, you’re just not as pretty as your sister.”

“You bastard!” She was really getting into the role, he thought. “You’ve put me through hell. And I want to make you know how much pain you’ve put me through. I want to show you how much agony you’ve made me endure!”

“And how exactly are you going to… ” James eyes scanned to the next line and his heart got caught in his throat. The next line was a stage direction that simply said, “Anya KICKS Tony’s groin with every iota of her rage-heightened strength.”

He looked up and his eyes were locked with hers. The moment was infinitely long. She drew back her leg, like a revolver being cocked. There was a vibrant ferocity shining in her wild eyes, as if there was a Bomb of vengeance and vindication she was about to detonate. And Ground Zero was his tender young crotch.

Annette couldn’t believe she’d come to this moment. She was about to fulfill her deepest desire. She could see-hell, she could TASTE-the fear on him. His beautiful doe-like eyes, like a deer caught in the proverbial headlight, revealed his terror of the act he knew was to come.

Then, in a flash, time resumed its normal pace. At the same time her foot raced forward to its destiny, James threw himself backward with all the speed his fear-motivated legs could muster. They both braced for the moment of impact, but it didn’t happen as Annette had hoped. He had been marginally too fast for her. Instead of crunching his Golden Globes, her foot connected with the tip of his still raging erection. He yelled as the head of his penis felt like it had exploded with the force of the blunt trauma, but somewhere a part of his mind knew how lucky he had just been. He fell hard against the wall behind him and tried to scramble back to his feet.

In the meanwhile, David pushed Annette back and she fell with a loud thud onto her tight, muscular butt.

“What the hell is wrong with you people,” David yelled. He stood protectively over his fallen fellow actor as the other ladies helped Annette back to her feet.

“You bastard! You’re going to pay for that,” Annette yelled back.

Sue stepped forward, raised her hands and everyone hushed down. “There seems to be some confusion here. David, James- what did the two of you think would happen when you accepted an invitation to a ballbusting party?”

James stood up, gingerly holding the tip of his penis. “What? I have the invitation right here in my pocket.” He fished it out. “It says nothing about… about busting our b-balls!”

Even in her anger, Annette thought it was so cute how he stuttered on the word ‘balls.’

“Turn it over,” directed Sue. Sure enough, right on the back of the invitation, in fine print, was the mission statement of the fan club.

James read it aloud “…to inflict, both lovingly and mercilessly, the physical manifestation of our love/hate attention with men to the genitals of famous male icons of this patriarchal society…”

James exchanged a look with David that simply said they needed to get the hell out of here as quickly as possible.

“I really, sincerely apologize for this misunderstanding,” said Sue, “but I really can’t allow you two to leave without the ladies giving you some of our ‘attention.’” At these words, the women started drawing closer.


James van der Beek and David Boreanez slowly walked backward but they knew there wasn’t much space before they were backed against the wall. The women took their time, knowing their prey had been caught. Their sexual energy was charging the whole room.

David leaned towards James and whispered in his ear, “Get ready to follow me.” Without warning, David rushed forward and grabbed the podium turning it sideways and using it like a riot shield to push the women back. James rushed in after him but felt himself being tripped. He fell hard into the rug and looked up to see long sexy legs that led up to Sue, the Fan Club leader.

“Now, the more you resist the worse it will be for you, little Dawson,” she purred. He scrambled to get away but Sue grabbed his hair lifting him up and pushing him back against a wall. He lifted one knee in an attempt to cover that part of him he knew the women most wanted to target. It was then that he noticed Annette standing next to Sue. She still held part of the script she had written.

“I think we have some unfinished business, James. When I’m done with you, they’re going to change the name from Dawson’s Creek to Dawson’s Cracked!” Meanwhile, David was putting up a brave struggle. As Angel, he did a good amount of the stunts himself and was no stranger to fighting. Unfortunately, those fight scenes were always choreographed. His initial charge had pushed the women back but as he was about to exit, his way was barred by the mousy redhead who’d ushered them in earlier that night. One thing was different about her though. She was dressed up like Buffy Summers.

It was enough to take him by surprise. And that surprise gave enough time for her to attack. She dropped to one knee and with an ear-splitting “KeeYAH!” launched her fist straight outward into David’s most personal bulge. All the fireworks of the Fourth of July exploded together in David’s vision. And then they exploded in his balls. The punch was dead on target. His breath failed and his legs became gelatin. His voice cracked and his moan came out in spurts.

She punched him again, this time in the face, but it didn’t have the force to do much harm. Instead, he used the pain to focus, reminding himself he had to get out of here alive. He tackled the faux Buffy, foiling her new attempt to kick in his balls. At the same time he felt some women jump on his back and they all fell in a tumble of arms and legs.

“Now, James, I can almost guarantee you that we won’t do any permanent damage,” said Sue.

“Almost?” James squeaked.

Annette moved a little closer. “We love you, James. Can’t you see that?” She feinted to his right and when he reacted, she charged straight into him, slamming him back into the wall. She put him in a bear hug, and he gasped at her Amazonian strength. She lifted him off the ground.

“Well, at least someone’s excited to be here,” she said in response to feeling the iron hardness tenting from his pants crotch. She began sidling her knee between his thighs, but he was squirming too much.

“Fine, then, let’s do this the rough way,” said Annette. “Let me show you one of my favorite exercises in aerobics class. They’re called knee-lifts.” She thrust her right knee into the nest of his groin. With his dick erect and out of the way, her kneecap smashed directly into his nuts. A strangled cry tried to escape his throat but failed. Every atom of every organ in his body became aware of the explosion in his groin.

Annette didn’t stop with her first knee-lift. She began alternating, left then right and back again. “One and Two and…” James grunted with unbearable agony in rhythm to her counting.

David was trapped amidst flailing arms, scratching fingernails, and squirming female bodies. It was like being in the middle of a ball of yarn. Suddenly someone grabbed his crotch getting a good hold of his right nut. Before they could get a good squeeze, he kicked out and must have connected because he felt the grip loosen. Somehow, he miraculously slipped out of the human tangle, although in the process, patches of his clothing were ripped off in the man-hungry grabs of the women. He ran downstairs but saw some more women blocking the front door. He turned right and ran with the women on his heels like the Furies. With his long legs he had a light lead ahead of them.

‘Thank God,’ he thought as he went through a door that he was able to lock behind him. And then he saw the window showing the backyard.

James wished he were dead by the time Annette finished her set of knee lifts. He felt himself thrown onto the floor. The part of his mind that wasn’t paralyzed with agony wondered why she had stopped, but when he looked up, he understood. There was a line of women forming right behind Annette. She’d only stopped so that they could each have a turn with him. He clambered slowly against the wall and used the windowsill to help him stand. Every movement was excruciating.

“Come on, now, James, it can’t be that bad,” shouted one lady.

“N-no, it’s not bad,” said James sarcastically, “but I’m sure Dante didn’t have anything in his Inferno compared to this.”

“Come now,” said Sue. “Come here and I’ll make it all better.” Her voice was so seductive and sweet that he almost took a step towards her. “After all, James, what else can you do? You’re two stories above the hard street pavement so you can’t even jump out of the window.” James looked into the faces of the ballbusting fan club. With each face, he had a vision of that woman subjecting his balls to the torments of the damned. One would plow her fist into his nuts, another would use her teeth to yank a testicle as far as it could go, and a third would use the heels of her shoe as if she were pounding a nail with a hammer. James imagined this and worse.

And promptly jumped out the window.

Downstairs, David was having his own troubles. For once, he cursed his muscle and stature. The small window had proved almost impossible to open but he managed to open it halfway. He was squeezing out with his back on the windowsill and he’d gotten his head and shoulders through. But now it was beginning to become too tight. He was too big. Straining with all his might he managed to get out up to his belly button, which was when he heard the locked door break open.

“Well, well, well, look at here,” said a feminine voice. “I do believe I see a studly vamp stuck in a window. Shall we give him a helping hand, ladies?” David felt cold sweat swamp his back and armpits. The lower half of his body was totally unprotected. He felt many hands grab hold of his legs, rendering them nearly immobile. His shoes came of quickly. With a loud Zzzzip, his fly was undone and he was roughly divested of his pants.

“Nice white boxer briefs,” said one female voice giving his crotch a playful squeeze. He felt a hand reach into the opening of his underwear, exploring in the jungle of his pubic hair till it had a firm hold of his swollen nuts.

“AARGH!” he yelled as they were pulled through the opening and held there on display. From all the grabbing and fondling he started to get a massive hard-on, something the girls immediately noticed as it poked up over the waistband of his briefs. He saw the Buffy look-alike bring her head down onto his cocktip; she looked right into his eyes and then began licking the sensitive underside like an ice-cream cone. At the same time, he saw the teenybopper from before raise a frying pan over her head. It went flying down flattening his captive balls. He screamed again at the top of his lungs.

“Hey, that was great,” said ‘Buffy’. “His dick shot out all this precum when you flattened his scrotum.” She returned licking her cocksicle, while the frying pan came hurtling down once more.

As James jumped out the window, he tried his best to leap to a tree growing close to the house. However, his legs gave out in mid jump and he didn’t get a decent hold of anything before he started falling. THWACK!! A branch slapped upward between his legs. THWACK! THWACK! THUMP!! His testicles were introduced to a low, very SOLID branch. The groan he gave could not adequately express the pain he was suffering. He straddled the tree limb for a few seconds before slipping sideways and falling into the street. His nuts were paying heavily for this escape but he knew he had to get out of here or it would all be for nothing. When he tried to walk, his globes felt like they were the size of grapefruit. That was when he heard David shrieking. It was a vicious mixture of ecstasy and agony. David was trapped, and through the window he could see the women raining fist after fist into his ballooned balls.

All this happened while ‘Buffy’ expertly caressed his drooling cockhead with her tongue. The combination of punching and tonguing redefined the term “blowjob.” David saw Annette and Sue enter the room where the lower half of his body was being molested and mashed. At the same time though, he felt someone grab him under his damp armpits. It was James.

“I must be incredibly stupid for coming back to save your ass, David, but I’m sure I’ll find a way for you to repay me.” He pulled on David as hard as he could but soon hit an impasse. The taller actor’s dick was now right against the window still sturdily erect which made it even more impossible to yank him loose.

“For god’s sake, of all the times for you to get a fucking hard-on,” complained James.

“I’m sorry, I guess that was an Emmy award in your pocket when Sue was talking about feet earlier,” countered David in an ever-rising pitched voice. The girls were desperate not to lose their precious trophies. But in their desperation, they were getting in each other’s way. One of them smacked downward on David’s nuts hoping to slow down his escape. He yelped and James felt him tighten up. Tears were streaming down his face.

With his feet planted in the ground, James yanked suddenly and felt an inch or two of progress. With a small pop, David’s cock had been scrunched under the window and was now sticking up in the night air. Unfortunately, his swollen balls were still on the wrong side of the window.

“It’s time for payback!” The guys recognized the voice as Annette’s. The other girls had moved out of her way. She grabbed each of his huge swollen balls in an iron claw. “Damn, these aren’t nuts, they’re coconuts,” she punned. James wasn’t gaining any ground and knew that some women would go out the house and go after him any second now. He debated on whether he should just abandon David here while he made his getaway. After all, ‘better his nuts, than mine.’ But still something made him stay and pull.

It was like a twisted game of tug-of war. If this didn’t end soon, David knew his testicles would be permanently stretched down past his knees. Providing, of course, that they weren’t torn off first.

And then it happened. ‘Buffy’s saliva and his precum had trickled down his cockhead to his balls. That, in combination with the terror-laced sweat on his nuts, made his balls too slippery to hold. Annette lost her death grip on them, flying backward as she lost her grasp and balance. And, since every action had an equal and opposite reaction, James went flying the other way still holding on to David.

David shrieked like a banshee. For miles around, night animals scurried in fright from his scream. His balls, far greater in size now than any balls had the right to be, had scraped free underneath the window. They felt as if a steamroller had ironed them flat.

James wasted no time, half-dragging, half carrying him away from the house as quickly as their jelly legs could go. Each step bounced their balls agonizingly as they walked in that funny way that guys recently busted would walk.

The women watched from the window not bothering to pursue. All in all, it had been a most entertaining night. Annette lightly sniffed her palms, smiling as she caught the scent of David’s busted nuts. ‘I’ll never wash these again,’ she thought.

Behind her Sue smiled, taking out a long list and crossing out two names. “Well, Ladies, I thank you all for coming. The Fan Club will reconvene next week for our special guests Mr. Affleck and Mr. Damon. And next time you will all get a turn, I promise.”

She smiled again and picked up David’s torn pants and slung them over her shoulder, a keepsake to remember the night by.

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