Friday, August 10, 2007

The General

by philco

The military man with a chest full of medals had always been a closet masochist. His résumé reflected this. Early in his career, he volunteered for multiple infantry in Korea and Vietnam. Along the way, he earned commendations for bravery and his strategic genius had him well on the path to General. At 50, he made 3-star and by the ripe age of 57 he was promoted to 4-star General. The 6’4”, rugged 230-pound Army man with the graying flattop definitely looked the part. Upon being promoted, the hero was given the option of hiring his own secretary. He relished the idea and took a firsthand role in interviewing candidates.

Ten days into the search, the bachelor with and eye for the ladies found the ideal woman. A slim, petite, Demi Moore look-alike in her mid 30’s, this woman exuded innocence and elegance. She had eyeglasses and wore her long, silky hair in a sexy ponytail. Her attire was business professional – long-sleeved white blouse, a beige skirt cut loosely above the knee, a metal ring belt that hugged her curvy hips, ivory nylons and matching peep-toed stilettos. Her single status appealed to the General since married women, and especially those with children, were high maintenance.

The interview went well. She expressed flexibility indicating she was free to work from dawn to dusk. Her skill set was excellent and she answered the General’s questions patiently and to his satisfaction. After a moment to skim her résumé one last time, the West Point alum closed the file with gusto and said, “You’re hired”. They smiled mutually in agreement. Just then, the man’s cell phone rang. “Excuse me,” he apologized. “I have to take this.” As he stepped out of his office for privacy, the stunning hiree caught her breath and strolled to the window to admire the morning sunshine. Seconds later she wheeled around to return to the guest chair when she noticed an open web file in the General’s computer.

Her curiosity got the better of her and she pressed play on the dormant file. The image that materialized was that of an attractive woman in a karate outfit instructing a younger woman dressed in business attire how to properly defend herself, with an emphasis on ‘busting balls’. The hiree’s satin panties moistened at the mere idea of ‘girl power’ but her mid-morning wet dream ended abruptly when she heard her new boss wrapping up his call. She quickly clicked the stop button before double-timing it back to her chair.

“Sorry about that,” bellowed the 4-star as he re-entered the room. “I just learned that we’ve been invited to a party tonight. The Joint Chief’s are hosting a bash in my honor to celebrate the promotion.”

“We?” she asked.

“Yes, we,” he confidently snarled. “It will be the perfect place to introduce you to those you will be working with… and against,” said the General with a sly smile.

“I can’t wait,” said the shapely brunette. “Meet you there?” she asked.

“Indeed,” he said. “Here’s the address and please dress formally.”

Hors later the hiree arrived at the black-tie function dressed to rupture with a sexy, black evening dress highlighting her perky bustline and a black leather mini-skirt. Her black, pointy-toed stilettos caught the eye of the lone military cop manning the metal detector entrance. “You could really hurt someone with those, ma’am,” said the young guard in a sheepish tone.”

The woman, wearing her gorgeous hair down for this occasion, sensed her absolute superiority over the boy. She smiled, removed her glasses and said, “Oh, you mean these shoes…” She gazed down innocently at the sharp points and flexed her foot for emphasis. “You’re probably right…” She the playfully tilted her head, looked into the MP’s eyes and warned, “…and if you give me any static officer, you might find your testicles orbiting your tonsils.” He smiled uneasily and motioned her through. She advanced without incident and, knowing the MP’s gaze was magnetized on her fetching derriere, the woman strutted toward the ballroom, her weapons clicking as she went.

“There you are Lisa. You look lovely,” said the General, decked out in full dress uniform with the newly minted 4th star on both shoulders. “Glad you could make it,” he said as he kissed her hand and kindly seated her at his table.

Thank you for inviting me sir,” she said. The pair proceeded to get more acquainted as toasts to the new 4-star sporadically interrupted their chat.

“I did a little research on you General,” said the woman as she snuck her pointy-toed shoe under the table, making soft but direct contact with his package. We have a lot in common,” she said as the point of her shoe provocatively probed and jabbed his scrotum.

“We do?” he said in a wary tone.

“You’re not only single like me but you like having your balls kicked.”

Taken aback, the General said, “How do you know?”

Lisa replied mischievously, “I saw that webpage you had open this morning. You’re a closet masochist! Don’t worry; it will be our little secret. But I have to admit… it made me very horny. I don’t know if you noticed on my résumé but I once worked at the CIA where they taught all delicate females self-defense.” She then jabbed him hard with her heel, causing him to recoil slightly. “You mentioned sir that we have people to work against and I could be quite handy as an internal espionage agent.” She went on to add, “Because of my appearance, men tend to underestimate me.”

Never mind a 4th star, the General’s third leg was on full alert as Lisa continued to lightly jab his sack while giving a tidy dissertation of the many ways to ‘bust’ a man. “Punching, kicking, slapping and flicking are all good techniques,” she said. “But there are other subtle methods that I specialize in. For instance… come close for a moment sir.” She reached under the tablecloth and gently unzipped his trousers. Grabbing his testicles firmly, she the gleefully explained the famous ‘grip and twist’. “It’s especially effective when dealing with pushy men at bars,” she said. “You make a ring with your thumb and index finger around the nutsack, apply pressure by tightening and the use your index finger to divide the testicles while pressing inward.”

The General winced and patted his hand on the table to signal her to relent. “That’ll work,” he said then quickly looked around to see if anyone was eavesdropping on Lisa’s mesmerizing lecture. Satisfied no one was, the General caught his breath and instructed his new secretary to “please continue”.

The brunette vixen drew the General’s attention to those wicked, black pumps she was wearing. “These are my nutcrackers,” she purred proudly. “My girlfriends and I talk frequently about the latest pair of ‘nutcrackers’ we purchased. The MP at the entrance noticed this pair… and why wouldn’t he? The point (she fingered the sexy outline of it) is most effective in cutting a man down to size. One properly executed snap kick with these, General, and even a powerful man like you would be down for the count.” The 4-star grimaced while accidentally spurting in his shorts. Trying to contain his excitement, he reached under the table to zip his trousers, which were still undone after the ‘grip and twist’ lesson.

Meanwhile, Lisa waxed on about her pumps. “I’ve learned a new technique that I’d love to try out… on you General.

“What’s that?” he asked with a trace of fear.

“I’d like to kick you as hard as I can with these pointy shoes… only I’m going to follow through and get you with my heel as well, sort of a double whammy,” she said with a smile that nearly leveled him.

The General gulped, contemplating how such a nasty strike could be on his manhood. “You’d do that?” he asked in disbelief.

“I’d let you wear a cup though,” she responded. “But only for the first kick. The rest would be straight on… and I promise, deadly accurate.”

Lisa now knew she had her boss wrapped around her finger. Seizing the moment, she invited the General to slow-dance as Chris DeBurgh’s ‘Lady In Red’ came on. As her trailed Lisa to the dance floor, the General got a good look at her sexy, compact body. Her pumps elevated her petite frame just enough so that her eyes were even with his chin. Gently placing her hands on the General’s broad shoulders, the woman seductively traced the outlines of the General’s 4-stars. She gazed into his eyes and warned that if his hands went any lower than her waist, “You’ll be walking funny sir.”

The General was however on his best behavior. Lisa whispered that she was joking but that she did have a question for him. “General, what do you get when you subtract two from four?”

Puzzled, the General could only muster, “Two.”

The woman pulled the unsuspecting man closer and said, “Wrong silly. A 4-star General… minus two…” She drove her left knee powerfully into his pills, which impacted hard against his pubic bone. “…equals you, my dear, in the fetal position.” The General faltered like Mike Tyson after a Buster Douglas uppercut. The stunned hero collapsed into Lisa’s arms and she struggled to cradle her superior while also applying a Spock hold to the man’s neck. Just before he passed out she whispered, “Oh, you met my knee General. I’ll see you at 0600. Bring your cup.”

The ensuing commotion was met with a mix of bemusement and concern by the rest of the gathered elites. “What happened to him?” asked one of the other 4-stars as his eyes took a walk up and down Lisa’s irresistible figure.

The woman maintained her exquisite feminine poise and put her hands on her cheeks for effect. “I’m not sure,” she offered convincingly. “I think he fainted.”

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