Saturday, August 11, 2007

My New Car

by Wizard

Hi. My name is Alley. Men love me. My body just seems to ooze sensuality. Or so I've been told. I'm 5'8", with beautiful long legs, curvy hips, bubble butt, fabulous breasts (all natural, thank you), the face of a model and hair a gorgeous, long, light brunette. So there! What I want to tell you about is my car buying experience. Despite my great looks my budget could only really extend to the weenymobile model of the General C. Ford dealership downtown. I was getting pretty bored with the salesperson who couldn't wait to get my name on the contract. At least he wasn't trying to get in my jeans. Not yet anyway. My eyes started to wonder around the showroom and there over in a corner it sat. It was low, it was long, it was bad, it was fast - and it was even more beautiful than I. My eyes took in the shape and someone cleared his throat behind me.

“Isn't it a beaut?” he said in tones of golden honey. I turned - and there was this gorgeous specimen of manhood. His blue eyes smiled at me and his perfectly manicured hand took mine and led me over to the car, opened the door and beckoned me to enter. I was in a daze. I wanted both the car and the sales rep! All sense had left me and in a dream I started the motor. The roar brought me back down to earth. What was I doing! I couldn't possibly afford this car! But He just smiled at me like he knew my every thought and told me not to worry, that he had a way I could have it all. I couldn't argue with him, just nodded my eager head OK and drove out through the dealership door into the bright sunshine. The sun blinded me and…

The next I knew I came to on the floor of a dank, dark cave. I could hear scurrying somewhere, and the most foul smell - no, smells - assaulted my nose. I tried to sit up and felt cobwebs brush my face. On the cave walls were torches burning low, emitting little light but adding plenty to the stench. I was dimly aware of a dark presence at the end of the cave. I tried to peer into the gloom, afraid to move for fear of meeting one of the creatures that I could hear scrabbling all around me. The torches brightened and I became aware that someone - or something - was sitting on a large, high chair. All I could make out was a vague outline, and this voice - sounding remarkably like my golden tongued salesman, only several octaves deeper - rumbled around the cave.

“Excellent”, it said, “now to earn yourself a fabulous car.” I tried standing and scrunched up my eyes but still could not make out details.

“How is that?” I asked.

“Just relax,” said the voice, and my knees started to bend and my head started to spin. Music started, and the light on me increased as I started to dance to the music. This was no ordinary dance. This was a sensual, provocative tease of a dance. I moved my body like I had never moved it before. When my clothes got in the way they started melting away, as my passion got stronger and stronger. The light got brighter and I started to see some features on the face of whoever was watching. Little eyes glowed all around me but I didn't care - it just turned me on more and more. I ripped the rest of the clothing from my whirling body and something made me dance nastier and nastier. I started to hear moans of appreciation from the chair, and the torches flared high. I was in such a sexual frenzy that I was wet and dripping and about to orgasm.

“Enough!” boomed this voice. The music died and I slumped breathless to the floor. “You are magnificent,” you know, came the voice. I looked up. In the light of the torches was this handsome, but somehow twisted face. The slanting eyes glowed at me and the horns - wait a minute! Horns????

“Who ARE you?” I asked.

The face leaned forward, smiled fangs at me and said, “You know.” He was right! Looking like all the pictures of him rolled into one I was facing Lucifer, the Devil himself! Oh my God! The hairy legs, the cloven feet, the horns, the fangs, the pointy ears. But that wasn't all. He was all male. Jutting out from his loins was an enormous phallus, thick as my leg, boldly, throbbingly erect. And so long that he was able to casually lick the glans with his long, pointy tongue! He had some kind of spell on me and against my will I started to move provocatively before him once more. His phallus swelled even more as I presented my ripe body for his pleasure. A grin spread on his face, which became more beast-like in appearance. Now I was scared. He obviously intended to rape me, though with a shlong like that he would probably kill me. But I couldn't help myself! The more I struggled the more turned on he became. I felt millions of tiny hands caressing my body and forcing me back to the floor in front of him. He started to rise and I tried to push myself away from him with my feet. He advanced on me step by hairy-bow-legged-animal step, his hooves clacking on the stone floor, his gigantic phallus oozing a pre-cum, his tongue hungrily licking his lips. I was shaking. I was so scared. I knew I was about to die a horrible death and that this would turn the Devil on even more. The sickening smells made me feel like vomiting as he stood towering above my naked form.

“Help!” I cried and he threw back his head and laughed horribly, his phallus waving in the air before me. It was at this point that some sense returned to me. Lucifer was very, very male. And along with an oversized phallus he also possessed an amazing pair of balls. The Devil’s testicles were as big as a bull's, almost hairless, I noticed, as they wobbled invitingly before my face. He seized his erect telephone pole and started to pull it and rub it to display to me what he had. I heard the slap-slap of his giant sized testicles as they swung back and forth in a scrotum big enough to be a kit bag!

I was desperate and had to get out of this situation. I brought my legs up against my chest, and as Lucifer stood over me, let fly with my feet as hard as I could into his two beautifully vulnerable gonads. I had to use both feet - one for each testicle - and as my feet slammed home I thrust my body up from the ground as high as I could, trying to ram his balls back into his body. It was like punching a pillow for me, wonderfully soft and easy. I suppose it was different for him. He grunted a little and his body froze into position, which was perfect for me as I was able to kick him again, digging my hard bony heels deep into his sac. This time his head went back and the most deafening roar echoed violently around the cave. This was easy! I kicked again, and again and again, crushing the bastard's balls as viciously as I could. He finally bent forward in agony and grabbed my arms as I hunched up and kicked him in the face. He went backwards, but made the mistake of keeping a hold to my arms. As he hit the floor, I fell on top of him, the full weight of my body dropping knee-first on his battered nutsac, smashing them flat against the stone floor! They were so big he couldn't possibly protect himself!

“Well,” I thought, “this is more like it! This huge male is now helplessly groaning at my feet, brought down by his very male vulnerability.” I was scared he would not be out long enough and jumped onto his testicular balloons. He writhed most encouragingly and had a wonderful expression on his face. He also seemed several shades paler. But he was still moving, still a threat. I quickly looked around and hauled a large rock over to him. His scrotum stretched down to his knees and his testicles lay waiting, resting heavily on the hard floor. I raised the rock high and smashed it down on his balls, crushing them mercilessly under the rock. He screamed once and passed out. Wow did I feel powerful! But I was still pissed at how he thought he could just take me. I looked around some more and found some wonderful torture devices. At least, I think that's what they were. I returned with a razor sharp curved blade and some thongs. I slipped the blade under his scrotum and tied it up to his now flaccid - but still enormous - phallus.

As he began to stir, I began once more to dance erotically before him. As his eyes focused a smile came over his face, and I danced enticingly, making his phallus swell. Now for it! Now to get real nasty. I turned my back, spread my legs and bent over, using my hands to pull my lips apart and show everything. I wet my fingers in my mouth and started rubbing in earnest. It worked! His phallus shot into an unbelievable erection, pulling up on the razor and neatly cutting off his own balls, which flopped onto the floor. Slowly the grin faded and as he realized what I had done he fainted dead away.

Now to make my escape, but first, a souvenir. I grabbed the scrotum from the floor and the two swollen glands dropped onto the ground with a disgusting wet slapping sound. I started looking around for an exit. It took a while, but I finally discovered a slit in the cave wall through which I could see light. First I checked on my defeated male opponent. The damnedest thing! He was growing a new set of balls as I watched!

I started to squeeze through the opening, which was real tight. If my body had not been slick and naked I probably would not have made it. I came out onto a rock ledge and peered over. I could see clouds but no bottom. Now what? There was a great roaring crash behind me and I was showered with bits of rock. Lucifer was up, whole again, and mad as Hell that I was trying to get away. He advanced on me slowly, pushing me back to the precipice. My heels were hanging over air and I felt my balance going. Grabbing at the first thing I could brought a nice smile from that hideous face. Hot damn! As his phallus became erect it actually pulled me back from the edge! I was impressed in spite of myself. Now he wanted to kiss me and his tongue darted in and out like a lizard's and the odor of a thousand exposed landfills washed oppressively over me. I almost gagged. Better you than me pal, I thought as I rammed my thigh up into his huge re-generated balls again and again, actually using his erection for better leverage, pulling with all my might like I was about to win the giant slot machine jackpot. This was fun! He didn't stand a chance with a gutsy female like me! But as his body crumpled and his head bent forward I lost my balance and my foot slipped off the edge. So I grabbed what I could. You should have heard the volume of his agonized cry of pain as I swung out over space, hanging onto his elongating nutsac!

So what happened next? As he calmed down a bit he suddenly laughed and started to rub himself and swing his nuts back and forth with me swinging with them!

“You were the BEST,” he laughed. “I've not had so much fun in ages.”

“But your b-b-balls,” I stammered.

“Yes!” he roared, “you were magnificent. What a woman!” And he whipped out a huge blade and thrust it down towards me.

“Oh shit! This is where I get it,” thought I, when he suddenly slices off his own balls! Down I went, staring up at him in open-mouthed astonishment until he disappeared in the clouds.


I wake up in bed, not alone! The car salesman is already licking me in interesting places. After the most amazing, mind-blowing lovemaking I'm lying there in a dreamy daze and he's leaving!

He turns at the door and I ask, “Who the hell are you?” He grins wickedly, grabs his equipment with one hand and makes a slicing motion with he other. As I stare blankly he tosses a set of keys to me and leaves.

I now drive that amazing car - a Diablo, what else? But I've never seen the car salesman since, despite my efforts to find him. Life is returning to normal. I do have two unusual punching bags that are tied together at the top. I'm often asked, but I never tell what the unusual leather is made of. I do like to watch men's faces as I punch away and the stuffed nutsacs wobble about and I tell them just what I imagine I'm punching. Funny thing, but unlike my girlfriends I've never had one of them disappoint me in bed after that demonstration…

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