Tuesday, September 11, 2007

BB Comedian

By confused_ed

This post was originally a detailed argument about the pros and cons of BBMPeg.com, Aussie's page, and Velvet Kick. It would have given exact measurements of the ratio of reaction to quantity. It was very well put together, and the results were great. But instead of that, I decided to post this piece of humor instead.


*runs up on stage*

It’s nice to be here back at the TLC posting board. A fine board where everyday about 5 great new posts are added everyday... unfortunately you have to look for them in the countless other crappy posts... *rimshot* I kid... I kid cause I love this place. Where else can you go, discuss your ballbusting fantasies, and not be called a freak... of course the exception to that rule is if you post M/M in the general section, and hooooboy... it gets UGLY in here…

Speaking of ugly, whets up with the fighting going on here lately? You've got Legend fighting with Knackers, Ninjanuts siding with Legend, Knackers fighting back against both of them, The Rock laying the smacketh down somewhere other then on this page, Yoda being "neutral" and everyone else wondering, if Yoda is really fed up with all of it, why not delete all of it?

Well I’ll let you all in on a secret. And I’ll explain why I said Yoda is quote unquote neutral... See, what Yoda doesn’t want you to know, it costs money to run this page. Well, imp surfing the net the other day, and I see this ad for "When webpages go bad". I click on it and, oh my god, its US!!! Yoda sold our fighting transcripts to this shock video! You have to this ad, there's this one part where you see Knacker's rap... "You're a cunt; cunt; cunt; cunt; *Record scratching noise* cunt; then Legend's voice yells, "PAY PAGE". I hear its going to be on MTV's TRL next week. Imp going to end this joke now because I think has fallen flat.

Speaking of falling flat, anyone been to Women Beat Men lately? I love this page, they have the best stuff on it. The only thing that I never understand, am I missing something? As of late, it seems like there's a bigger story going on, and I missing it. The last time 2 girls on the couch, and one kicks him the other laughs and sits down. Looks like there's a sleep over going on or something, and I can’t help but think imp missing a larger piece of the puzzle. And this time, I see the guy getting kicked in the balls after coming back to life to watch his son fight in the strongest under the heavens tournament, and it just looks like I missed something.... Some of you will have gotten the DragonBall joke, and imp proud of you. Those who didn’t, I suggest you try something new.

Speaking of trying something new, I joined a pay page this week. There's 20 bucks I won’t get back again. I go through all the trouble filling out the forms, signing the page, and for what? A bunch of freaks in tights, fruity music, with absolutely no ball busting at all. So I sent them a nasty email about false advertisement. I expect an email back about from the "Nutcracker Suite Appreciation Board" any day now.

Actually I joined BBMpegs.com. $19.95 for 3 months. I can’t complain about that, though its up in the air whether imp going to rejoin next time. Now this part is true, last week I had asked, "what does everyone think of the page, how are the reactions". Someone... not to mention names, (Green Jedi Knight Muppet thing), asked me "Where have I been? He gets kicked so hard he flies up in the air" I'm like, oh man, I gotta get me some of that... So I sign up, log on, download the mpeg... and here comes the kick... and the guy jumps like 5 seconds before the blow comes... and imp stunned and all I can think of are Sea Monkeys... You know as a kid, they had ads for Sea Monkeys in comics and magazines. "Add them to water and watch them frolic and play!" Only 3 dollars! And they got a picture of these mermaid like things playing soccer and all sorts of stuff... So you wait for the pack and you put them in and... and... what the hell? I think they turn out to be a kind of shrimp embryo or something... and you know you've been had, so you put it on the shelf next to Hypo Coin and send away for X-Ray Glasses. *raises my glass* So here's to advertising, may they be forced to use they're own products.

Speaking of Advertising, take a look at those posts lately, "A NEW SECTION DONE TODAY!!!!" "BUSTYOURNUTS SECTION UPDATED TODAY" "10 NEW MPGES TODAY!!!"

Capitalization makes things look cool and important doesn’t it? And today there was, "ALL NUDE UPDATE" And imp sorry, all respect to Knackers, I don’t want to see male nudity to begin with... but I REALLLLLLLLYYYY don’t wanna see Knackers nude, and I can say that cause imp so bad, I tried putting a naked pic of me online, and the internet actually rejected it... So I have a good gimmick for Yoda and Knackers... seeing how guys reaction to accidentally M/M posts, and some of the homophobia that ensues... You should charge 20 bucks a month for nude pics of Knackers, but for 30 bucks you can get those same mpegs but they'll be clothed. For 40, Knackers will be clothed but the girl will be naked. I think that'd bring in a good piece of revenue for the board.

Speaking of the board (gotta love segues don’t you?) whets new on the board? Whets new in the Classified and Aussie section? Oh, that’s right... NOTHING!!! *rimshot* I dunno, I liked the old board better. Yeah, this one is nice, and it’s got all these nice features, and Yoda can delete KKK posts and stuff like that... but it’s almost TOO nice, you know? I LIKED the old blue and red on black background with the big bold headlines. It was what I like to call 'internet-y'. Sadly, less and less of the web internet-y. I think the internet might be losing some of its luster. It’s just that we've seen it all. Back 4 years ago it was, "Hey look, Hampsterdance.com, its hamsters... DANCING!!! And MUSIC!!! WOW!!!" Now, its like, "Hey look, there's this page that has absolute proof that the government knows about UFO's" And you’re like... "eh... I’ll look at it later... wrestling's on now" Speaking of wrestling, what happened to all the BB in it? I think a lot of BBaholics went into mourning when Chyna left the WWF. After that there was a 70% drop in ball busting. That’s not a real stat, but I think 80% of the people on this web board will agree that its fun to make up stats.

And speaking of stats... STATS ALL FOLKS... thanks, you were a great audience, this probably wasn’t as funny as I hoped it would be, don’t complain on this board, no more fighting, but please, feel free to complain to my email account, PresidentGeorgeWBush@thewhitehouse.com


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