PRAIRIE OYSTERS

By ‘Tex’ as told to Empress Tiptoe

One time as I was traveling through New Mexico, I visited an old cowboy who used to be a friend of my great-grandfather. He must have been almost a hundred years old, and he had a nurse looking after him. One day, when the nurse had gone out shopping and I was trying to make conversation, I asked him about the trophies and ribbons that covered one wall of the living room. He told me he was an old rodeo champion, and they were the prizes he had won in his younger days.

“I could sit a horse tighter than any man in the west,” he chuckled. “Nothin’ in the way, ya see...” I didn't think he could possibly mean what I was thinking, so I asked, and this is the story he told me.

“When I wuz young, about twenny, I wuz a good-fer-nuthin' drifter, not much use at anythin'. I'd raise hell in one town till it got too hot to hold me, then I'd jes move on. I traveled all over the country, jes doin' enough cow-punchin' to get me by.

One day my pockets were empty as a well in the Badlands, and I started in lookin' fer a way to make enough cash to get drunk on. Rip, one of my card-playin' buddies--one I hadn't cheated yet--tole me that ol' Jake Slade had broke his leg and had some new bull calves what he wanted to make steers of.”

“He's tight with a nickel,” Rip warned me. “You see you get paid up front, or you might not get paid at all.”

So I got up on my borrowed horse and took a trip out to Slade's ranch. I stopped out front of the house an' hollered till ol' Slade hobbled out on his busted pin.

“Hear tell ya got work needs doin' “ I said.

Slade shook his head. “Too late, I sent the kids out.” he told me.

I was surprised. “Din' know ya had boys,” I said.

“Daughter,” Slade told me. “Cousins. They've just left for the river gulch.”

I wuz feelin' a mite lonesome and decided I'd have a look at Slade's daughter. If her cousins weren't too tough-lookin'.....heck, even if they were, maybe I could get 'em to join’ me. Wimmin were scarce in town, an expensive too.

So I waited till ol' Slade went back into the house. I went down the river gulch trail, an' I rode hell fer leather to catch up. Fore long I could see the horses ahead of me and hallooed. They stopped and I trotted up to 'em. “Your ol' man sent me out to give a hand,” I lied. “This here's man's work!”

Sandy Lou Slade wuz a sight to behold. Sweet sixteen, slim as a whip with long wheat-colored hair and innocent, forget-me-not eyes. And knockers the size o' grapefruit under her tight cotton shirt. I swore I'd get inside her by nightfall. I wuz surprised to see that her cousins were girls too. Tough, no-nonsense rancher types. This would be easy.

I kicked my horse forward, and soon I wuz leadin’ them down the rough trail. I kept lookin' back...to tell them the names of the wildflowers we were passin' or to point out a jackrabbit or eagle that they prob'ly saw already. Any excuse to look back at Sandy Lou. Her cantaloupes were jigglin' like sacks of jelly as her little quarter horse trotted along. I wuz so stiff it hurt, and I shore wished she was ridin' behind me, with her arms around me and her hands on my saddlehorn.

We came down to the river after a coupla hour’s easy riding. The bulls were in a corral, separate from the rest of the herd, who were wanderin' around. They were snortin' and stampin'. This dint look like an easy job.

“Thought these wuz calves what needed gelding,” I called out. “They look pretty big to me!” The two cousins jes laughed an' asked if the job wuz too much fer me, so I coiled my lariat and sent it out to rope one a them big suckers.

'Cept I missed. Spent too much time in the saloon lately, I guess. Before I could gather my lariat up again, one a them cousins had roped a calf and pulled it out through the gate. I was pretty burned that them little gals had shown me up. They were laughing and kidding me as they snubbed the calf's head to the cottonwood tree on the riverbank.

Angry, I picked up the geldin' knife and grabbed the calf's scrotum above his melon-sized nuts. Somethin' like a bolt of lightning went through me an' when I could make sense a the world agin, I noticed I was rollin' on the ground huggin' my own nuts for dear life, and they hurt like hellfire. That damn calf had kicked when I touched his valuables, and managed to hit the one spot my leather chaps dint cover. I could see the two cousins, leaning on the calf’s back, watchin' me with leerin' grins across their faces, like they had seen this before.

Sandy Lou, bless her heart, was kneelin' beside me, cryin'. “Are you alright?” she kept askin'. I tried to tell her, hell yes, this was nothin'--but my mouth jes flapped and made funny noises so I quit tryin’ to talk. My hands were clutchin' my achin' hushpuppies, and I felt her reach down and put her hand on mine. Somehow I got all worked up agin, even though I wuz hurtin’ too bad to think.

After a spell I wuz able to get up an' get back to work. Sandy Lou helped me to my feet. I felt her two pillowy boobs squish against me for a second, and pretended I wuz havin’ trouble standin, so she'd hold me longer. The two cousins made fun of the way I wuz walkin' an laughed fit to kill. It made me damn mad, I tell you. I walked over to the calf and got my revenge, kickin’ his oversized bag a few times with my riding boots while he bellowed and his legs shook. It made me feel better, but I noticed that the cousins had stopped laughing, and Sandy Lou was lookin’ at me with eyes colder than a witch's titty.

“How can you do that to that poor animal?!” she scolded me.

“What do you care, you're about to cut 'em off anyway,” I muttered. Women! Always so soft on dumb critters! One a the cousins wrapped a rope around each of the calf's legs. I held one rope, and she held the other. The second cousin’ got behind the calf an' pulled one a them doctor's needles. They jabbed it into the critter's scrotum and waited.

“Waste a time!” I scoffed. “I done this thousands of times an never used no sissy anesthetic!” I saw that Sandy Lou wuz lookin’ mean at me agin’ an I decided I should shut my face.

“What does gelding do to them?” Sandy Lou asked.

“Stops 'em from gettin' horny,” grinned the cousin, givin’ me a meanin’ sorta look. She took the knife an made a quick cut in the critter's bag. The calf never felt a thing, never even struggled when she shoved its balls out the hole. Like an ol' pro, she cut the cords, tied 'em off, and sewed a coupla stitches on the empty sack. Sandy Lou watched.

“See, it's easy,” her cousin’ told her. The cousin’ stood up. She took a hard kick at one of the calf's fallen testicles, and it sailed off into the brush.

“Hey! Don't do that!” I yelped.

“Whatsamatter, make ya nervous?” she grinned and swung her foot at my jeans. It barely touched me, but I couldn't help doublin' over jes to keep my hushpuppies safe. They hurt enough already.

Sandy Lou came to put her arms around me again’ an' offer sympathy. I faked more pain, and she hugged me tighter, scoldin’ her cousin. The way she looked at me when we went back ta work, I knew it wuz jes a matter of time before I would be bangin' her sweet young body. I got a bucket, and told the cousin’ to put 'em in there. The cousin’ did a coupla more calves, then handed the knife to Sandy Lou.

Sandy Lou held the calf's balls in her hand, weighin' and feelin' them. Her eyes kinda gleamed, and I hoped she wuz gittin’ as sparky as I was. Somehow it wuz even sexy when she started cuttin'.

I worked harder that mornin’ than I had in years. The difference wuz the prize I expected at the end of the day--Sandy Lou's cunt, not jes a pocketful of chump change.. Sandy Lou's hands got surer and steadier with practice, and the pile of bull's knackers in the pail kept growin'.

We quit fer lunch. One of the cousins started up a fire. I picked up the bucket of testicles. “Whatcha do, collect those? Hain't got none a yer own?” hooted one cousin.

How I hated them gals! For the sake of Sandy Lou, I jes smiled an' said, “What, ranch gals what never et prairie oysters? You get the fire goin’ an' I'll cook up a mess!”

“Eew, disgusting!” the three gals all griped.

But they looked fascinated. The two cousins started collectin’ firewood. Sandy Lou sat beside me and rubbed a big bruise on my arm which one of them calves had guv me. She kissed the bruise and rubbed it some more.

“Does that feel better?” she asked, lookin’ up at me with them sweet innocent eyes.

I wuz horny enough to burst on the spot, an' I thought of a way to get her innerested. “Sure does feel good, ma'am.” I tol' her sadly. “I got other bruises though. An 'these clumsy, rough hands a mine would only make matters worse. Not like your soft, gentle....” I tried not to show how thrilled I wuz when she took the hint an' unbuttoned my trousers.

“I know yer a ranch girl an ya seen plenty a horses an bulls...a man's not much different. No reason to be shy...” As I coaxed, she pulled my cock out, strokin’ it like it wuz a pet bird. She put her hand back in my fly and took hold of my rocks, real gentle-like. They were still sore, an it felt so good to have 'em sittin' in her hand. She felt up my balls, rubbin' em an rollin’ 'em in her palm.

“Just like a bulls,” she whispered thoughtfully. “Only smaller.” I decided to pay no attention to that last part. By now my manhood was standin' out at full glory. I started strokin' Sandy Lou's arms an shoulders an leaned forward to kiss 'er. Then we heard the cousins comin' back with the firewood. Sandy Lou jumped up and pretended she wuz sittin’ further away from me. I had to shove my tallywhacker down the leg of my pants an button up quick-like, cursin’ those damn cousins a hers.

I got the fire started and tossed the prairie oysters into the cast-iron pan. The gals stared as they sizzled over the fire. One a them cousins asked for the recipe, sorta jokey. There wuz somethin’ kinda disturbin’ about the way they watched. When the cooking was done, they dug in with gusto, sayin' that they had never tasted nothin' better. I watched them--even sweet Sandy Lou-sinkin’ their teeth into the hot beef testicles with the juices runnin' down their chins. I don't know fer sure what I was feelin' but my cock was stiff, my knees were shakin’ an I had cold sweat drippin’ down the back of my collar. I dint eat none. Sorta lost my appetite. Anyways, there wuz somethin' else I wuz hungry for, an I watched Sandy Lou through the corner of my eye through the whole meal.

It was almost a relief gettin’ back to work. Sandy Lou gelded bull after bull as I stood by helpin’ and sweet-talkin’ her. As the hours passed and one bull after another lost his bullhood under the hot sun, the cousins decided they wanted to take a break before suppertime an do some swimmin'. They tol' me to go over t'other side of the ridge, an I did. I sat there, pickin' my teeth with my bowie knife an thought of them three gals--especially Sandy Lou--bare naked in the river. I could hear them laughin’ and splashin.

My prick got achin’ hard in my tight jeans, so I unbuttoned my fly and took it out. I was just feelin’ the bruises on my nuts when Sandy Lou, stark-bare-nude-naked came from around behind a tree. Drops of clear river water sparkled all over her like diamonds, dripping from 'er pink nipples an from the hair on 'er pussy.

“I just came to see if you're okay,” she tol' me with that innocent smile, an I knew I couldn't wait a second longer. I moved toward her, and in sudden fear she stepped back. Rushin’ her, I grabbed her around the waist, an we fell down, me on top. My prick slid into her, her huge tits pressed against me like soft rubber balls. She struggled as I kept ramming my throbbing cock deeper and suddenly managed to twist out from under me, disappearing in a second toward the river. I swore and hit the ground with my fist. I had ruined the whole day's seduction, and hadn't even been in her long enough to get my rocks off.

Disgusted with myself, I buttoned up and headed to my horse, mountin’ up to leave. Then I said, the hell I will. What did I have to be afraid of, three little bitty gals? I went to the river.

Sandy Lou was gettin’ dressed on the bank with her cousins. “Time to get back to work,” she said.

They all headed back to the corral, like nothin’ had happened, an I figgered she dint say nothin’ to the cousins. We went on working, Sandy Lou geldin' steers with her knife flashin. She dint seem specially mad at me, so I figgered maybe she wuz just startled before an she still wanted me. I sweet-talked her all afternoon, and soon she was givin’ me nice looks again’ like everthing wuz okay. God thet woman was sexy seperatin’ them bullocks from their ballocks!

We were down to the last bull. One of the cousins went off to start the cookfire for supper, when Sandy Lou put her knife down. “You said you used to do this without anesthetic,” she reminded me. “I don't see how you could. The calf would kick.”

“Not if his legs were hobbled real good,” I told 'er. She asked me to show her, I wuz glad she'd got over bein’ sentimental about critters an stepped up to show 'er my style.

As usual, we tied the bull to the tree. A cousin’ held the rope attached to one back leg, Sandy Lou held the other. “Now hold 'im tight!” Instead of the needle, I grabbed the bull’s balls in my hand, the knife in the other. I landed five feet back, both hands between my chaps again. My mouth was full a dirt where my teeth had bit into the prairie soil when I landed.

I heard Sandy Lou saying over and over, “Oh, I'm sorry! The rope slipped! I'm so sorry!” Through my pain-blurred eyes, I could see the cousins grinning at my agony, and Sandy Lou staring in horror, her hands coverin’ her sweet mouth, her shoulders shakin’ with what I thought were sobs. Ida never thunk I could get hard agin, but my damned pecker dint know when to quit, and I rolled on the ground in pain’ with the tallest fencepost I had ever worn. Sandy Lou stooped down over me an put her hand on mine like before. I knew I wanted to feel thet cool soothin’ hand on my burnin’ nuts agin.

She seemed to know what I wanted, an pulled my hands away, undoin’ the buttons on my fly. My rod popped out an she reached under and took hold a my bruised chestnuts. Damn but her hand felt good! She stroked them with her thumb, rollin’ them in her palm once more. “Does that hurt?” she asked sweetly.

“No ma'am,” I lied. Every touch was agony, but I dint want her to let go.

“Well, how 'bout THAT?” she asked an her hand tightened till I screamed and grabbed at her wrist. It felt like coyotes was lunchin’ on my tender parts, an I couldn't believe what was happenin'. I stared at her an saw she had a smirk on that pretty mouth an the devil was looking outa them innocent baby blues a hers.

“You like that, cowboy?” she asked.

Barely able to speak, I gasped out, “I like everthin’ you do to me, ma'am!” Guess thet wuz the right answer, cuz she turned loose a me, an I curled up on the ground wishin’ I could die. I felt them gals yank off my boots and trousers, an I heard the splashes when they threw 'em in the river. They did thet last calf an turned him loose. I could still hear them gals laughin, and more splashes as they waded out into the water. I staggered up to try to leave soon as I could stand on my feet. I couldn't run fast in the pain’ I wuz feelin...truth to tell, the very thought of settin’ a horse agin’ made me hurt twice as bad. Din't make no difference nohow...I felt a somethin’ like a whip cut across my body, an a braided leather lariat snapped tight around my chest, pinnin’ my arms to my sides an yankin’ me flat on my back.

Them girls came runnin’ up. They'd bin’ swimmin’ agin, an they wuz all three buck naked, their bare tits floppin’ as they ran after me.

“Mister's gettin’ frisky agin,” said one a them cousins.

“Time to do somethin’ 'bout that!” Them gals dragged me by the lariat back to the river bank. They wrapped the rest of the lariat tight around me then, to keep my arms pinned. One a them cousins took a rope an wrapped it around my neck, an around the cottonwood tree, so I was snubbed tight like a bull calf, 'cept I was layin’ on my back, with them three naked gals jigglin’ their tits over me. They tied ropes to my ankles, Sandy Lou holdin’ one an one a them cousins on the other, an they pulled my legs apart as fur as they would go.

“Hold them ropes tight!” the other cousin’ called, imitatin’ my deep voice. She grabbed my stiff pecker in both hands and fer a second I thought I might be goin’ to enjoy what happened next. But then she kneeled down slow-like on my balls an stayed there, rubbing my pecker like fury to keep it hard. Lord I had never felt nothin’ like it! It wuz like I had Apache arrows stickin’ up my crotch into my gut. When she got up, the pressure comin' off was almost worse. My pecker finally got some sense into its fool head an went down quiet. She swapped places with the other cousin’ while I bawled like a calf an tried to pull my arms an legs free.

The second cousin’ put her toes on my nuts an started wigglin’ 'em. Maybe wouldn't have hurt much, if I wasn't so sore already. As it was, I started gaggin’ and heavin'. I'da puked my guts out if I'da eaten anythin’ earlier thet day. When she'd had her fun, she grabbed the rope around my ankle an Sandy Lou walked between my open legs.

Even in my agony, I could see that Sandy Lou was a goddess. She stood above me lookin’ down at me...not at my face but at my nuggets, open and ready fer whatsoever she wanted to do with 'em. She kneeled down an pulled out the castratin’ knife. I felt the point of the knife scratch across my balls. Then she took an ran the icy blade of the knife along my cock, to an fro. I stared at her, she bein’ totally absorbed by playin’ with her knife against my jewels, her big tits hangin’ over me, swingin’ slowly like pendulums. My stupid pecker decided to come up again’ and stand at attention, an I felt the point of Sandy Lou's castratin' knife makin’ little circles on the very tip of it. Then she stood over me, tall an proud. I waited to see what she would do next, an my heart sank into my innards when I saw her put on her ridin’ boots.

I dint come right when she kicked me. She jerked her leg back and swang, ketchin’ my balls and kickin’ them upward so that my hard cock slapped against my belly. When her leg reached as high as it could go, I could see right up into her darlin’ pussy, and my seed finally burst outa me. I was still sprayin’ when her heel came down. I musta passed out. I woke up an the stars were over me. I could hear a fire cracklin’ nearby, but when I tried to get up, fiery pain’ shot through my body from my crotch, an I screamed.

Them gals came a runnin, sayin, “He's up agin!” I wuz hurtin’ too bad to care anymore. I just lay groanin, not even tryin’ to cover my nuts.

Sandy Lou said, “Want me to make it better?” She pulled the anesthetic needle an jabbed it into my nuts. They were so bad already I hardly never felt the needle. It seemed like hours, but the fire in my crotch started coolin’ an soon my balls were hangin’ against me like dead weight, feelin’ nothin. It was a glorious relief.

Once more Sandy Lou Slade took my balls in her hand. This time I couldn't feel it, but jes watchin’ her feel me up was enough to make my six-shooter start to load up agin, an Sandy kissed the tip of my cock till it was hard as steel. My pecker was only half numb, an I could her warm lips an tongue playin’ on the head.

“Do your nuts hurt?” she asked me. I shook my head. She gave 'em a squeeze agin.

“Now?” I couldn't feel nothin’.

Sandy Lou stepped back. Her feet were bare now, an I watched as she curled her toes like a fist an smacked them into my bag o hickories. Somehow seein’ 'em crunched without feelin’ it was scarier than if it actually hurt.

The cousins joined in, and they danced in front of me, beautiful witches, their tits shakin’ with laughter, takin’ turns kickin’ at me. It was like a dance. Their feet kept thuddin’ into my numb jewels, each kick shakin’ an rattlin’ up my big ol' stiff pecker until I felt a pleasure shoot through my whole body like I never felt before nor since. I went light headed an dizzy, an every kick after that wuz like another orgasm, rackin’ my whole body with delight.

After a time they got tired of their game. They sat an watched me, waitin'. I wondered what they were waitin’ for when a sharp jab of pain’ ran through my nuts. Thet anesthetic wuz startin’ to wear off. After the first shot of pain, I rapidly began to feel more an more. My eyes bulged out, an sweat was runnin’ down my cheeks. I knew worse would be comin.

“Poor thing,” said Sandy Lou. “We can stop the pain, you know.” I looked at her, hopin’ for another jab with the needle. But it was the knife thet was in her hands.

“They won't hurt you if we take 'em off, cowboy,” she smiled seductively.

“Want me to cut you like a steer?” It took me a minute to realize what she wuz sayin, an in that time pain’ shot through me like bullets. I knew I wasn't man enough to handle what I'd feel when the rest of the anesthetic wore off.

Shuddering with a burst of pain’ and even a smidgen of excitement, I tol' thet fine sassy big-titted cowgirl, “Please, ma'am....make a steer outen me.”

“Only if that’s what ya really want,” Sandy Lou said sweetly.

My guts wuz a twistin’ an retching, as the pain’ burned up through me ta my brain! “Oha gawd ma’am please!”

“Please?” she asked.

“Please...make a steer outta ME!” I grunted through clenched teeth. Sandy Lou bent forward with the knife, an I closed my eyes. I dint need to see how she'd do me. I'd been watchin’ her do this job all day.

Almost all the pain’ went away direckly. I lay where I was, weak as a baby from my rough day, an them gals walked back to the fire. I heard them drop something into the frying pan, an a sizzlin' noise. Hardly able to believe what I wuz thinkin, I got to my wobbly feet and staggered to the fire, where I settled on the ground propped up by a log.

Them gals was lookin’ at somethin’ in the pan an proddin’ at it with the castratin’ knife. There wuz two little morsels in thet pan, an they speared one an cut it in three between them. They seemed sorta reluctant, but seein’ me watchin, they each popped a hunk of meat in their mouths, lookin’ at me with triumph in their eyes.

“They taste better after bein' tenderized,” a cousin’ joked. I done heard tell how a man who's lost his arm can still feel it sometimes. Be that as it may, I felt shocks of pain’ run up my gut as I watched Sandy Lou chompin’ and chawin'. I had got inside her at last.

Sweltering, Sandy Lou got to her feet, and stabbed the remaining morsel. Walkin’ around the fire to my side, she lay her hand on my empty sack an held the bite a meat, skewered my the castratin’ knife, in front of my face.

“Hungry, cowboy?” she asked, her eyes mockin’ me. I don't know why I did what I did. Maybe it wuz curiosity. Maybe it wuz jes that I hadn't eaten all day. Maybe I was somehow tryin’ to keep part of my manhood to myself. I opened my mouth, and savored the familiar flavor of prairie oysters on my tongue.

Tasted just like a bull's. Only smaller.