Friday, November 30, 2007

Laugh and Laugh Some More

By y_n0t_g0_4_1t

It’s not surprising that Katie and her mother Kim thought it was hilarious whenever they got to see a guy get nailed in the balls. They had none of their own, so they had no idea. For them, it was about funny looks on guys’ faces, and big deserving dudes being sent to the floor by girls half their size. Besides, it was just that it was funny – it was empowering to laugh. The Wyoming winter was often cold enough that the family would spend time in front of the tube together, and in the inevitability that a guy would get it, the two would laugh uproariously while the men of the house just sat there and sulked. It was like a secret message – from Kim to her husband Dave and from Katie to her older brother Dave (and maybe even some cross over) – that “we have something over you – and we’d enjoy it, so watch it”.

What was surprising was the youngest sibling’s reaction. Doug would laugh right along with the ladies. In fact, he’d laugh as if he was one of them. Katie and Kim thought this was strange, but cute, and grew to think this in and of itself was hilarious. What’s worse, the women began to exploit it. If they were all stuck in the house, Katie and Kim would use Doug to be able to watch whatever they wanted by coaxing him with the promise of a potential hit in the groin, and Doug would cast the deciding vote that way in hopes of more hilarity shared with mom and sis. Of course, for the trick to work, there would have to be a groin hit often enough, so in addition to the chick flick’s – the girls made sure to watch plenty of America’s Funniest, slap stick comedy, and female empowerment thrillers.

One day in July, Doug was tagging along with his sister when Katie’s best friend Anita ran up to them.

“Oh my god Kate, you had to see it. My sister kicked her boyfriend right where it counts in the middle of my living room!”

“Oh my god! Why?!” Katie demanded to know.

“He called her a fat bitch right in front of her family,” Anita replied.

“He totally deserved it,” Katie said. “Did she get him good?”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah…” and at that the girls started laughing. Doug started laughing too. “Did he fall to the ground and cry?” he asked between giggles.

Anita was almost shocked. “Of course,” she replied, and then quickly turned to Katie and asked, “Why does he think it’s so funny?”

Katie replied “Always has. Guess he’s never been kicked.”

Anita laughed. She turned to Doug and asked him very nicely “Dougie, have you ever been kicked between the legs?”

“By a girl?” Doug asked.

“By anyone…” Anita clarified.

“Well, yeah. Yes,” Doug stammered.

The girls looked at each other. They knew he was talking trash. Anita continued by asking him, “Did you cry?”

“No way,” Doug staunchly assured them. “I don’t cry over stuff like that any more.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh K.” Katie said sarcastically, knowing that he was full of it. And at that she sent her foot flying into her brother’s crotch. Poor Doug didn’t know what was happening. He had always heard threats by girls, and had even seen it done. It was always just a funny routine. He never imagined why the guys fell to the floor.

Now he knew. The first thing he felt was the foot go into his dick and then right into his balls. It was a shocking sensation – especially because it felt like the force of the kick sent his nuts into his stomach and mad did they hurt. But they also hurt in his nuts. Instinct took over too, and he covered up as fast as he could in a reflex. His body responded by making it its life mission to protect those balls, and sent him to the floor curled in a ball.

The girls, of course, thought it was hilarious. The look on his face, half-surprise to have a foot up in there, half-surprise over how much of an explosion of pain it caused, was hysterical. It was like his eyes were bulging out of his head, his eyebrows arched inquisitively, his mouth puckered like he was sucking the sourest lemon. And of course he was going down like a felled evergreen throughout the entire process.

“That’s harsh Katie,” Anita said

“Yeah but he needed it,” Katie replied

“For what?” Anita said while she was laughing

“Lying,” Katie responded, and at that they both laughed.

Then Anita said, “Oh yeah, you could definitely tell that was fist time,” and the both of them laughed some more.

Funny thing was, Doug wasn’t laughing.

That winter, in front of the tube, it wasn’t long before a poor dude got one in the balls. Nobody every talked about what happened that summer, but at that moment it became evident. Kim and Katie laughed, but when they looked over, Doug was sulking with his brother and dad. It just wasn’t funny anymore, and he hated that his mom and sister thought it was. It reminded him of how bad it hurt, and how they could never understand that. It reminded him of his sister and Anita laughing, and hearing his mom laugh like that made him mad.

They didn’t care. “Wow,” Kim said “I though you loved that like we did. You must have gotten kicked.”

Doug didn’t say anything.

Katie said, “Hmmmmmm, he must have.”

“Katie!” Kim burst out – “You didn’t…”

Katie just smiled, raised her hand, and said, “Guilty.”

Mom had to laugh at that, and said, “Well, it was about time, anyway.”

And at that they both laughed some more

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