Fictional story (written as a blog entry) continuing the misadventures of a loser grad student with an Asian fetish.
So, after having avoided having my nuts pounded (for the most part) for the past few months, I've now had it happen twice in one week!
The first time was a little over a week ago, when my department had an event where next year's prospective students came to visit. Well, let me give you some background first. My first week here, I found my attention focused on one of my fellow grad student, a cute Asian girl. (Yes, "yellow fever" is a terrible disease.) Well, a couple days into the school year and I was having lunch with her when I started talking about what horrible exploitative frauds "psychics" were. I was enjoying my rant when I paused to take a breath and she said in a soft voice, "Well, I believe in psychics."
Needless to say, our conversations pretty much dropped off after that point. This was especially galling because she was one of those super-flirty, social butterfly types, so the fact that she was deliberately ignoring me was super-obvious.
Anyway, we ended up not having any classes together this semester, so I hardly ever saw her. Occasionally, I would pass her on the street and call out a greeting, which she would awkwardly return before scurrying away as fast as her cute little legs could take her.
So yeah, come last Friday and we were there to welcome the new students. I saw "Barbara" (not her real name) for the first time in months. Well, I tried to be friendly. "Hey, Barbara, haven't seen you in a while! What's up?" She was "friendly" right back, but it was all on the surface. I could tell that she was still being cold. For some reason, her hypocritical smarminess made me especially mad.
I bided my time, and finally I got a chance to confront her. As everyone was clearing out of the room after lunch, I realized that I had forgotten some of my books and went back to get them. I realized that Barbara, who had also stayed back to take care of something, was the only other person in the room. Everyone else was in the process of clearing out of the building. I knew it was now or never.
I quickly crept over to the door and shut it. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but Barbara must have sensed something because she looked up. She looked confused.
I decided I had no choice but to step up and sound as confident and authoritative as possible. "Hey, Barbara. Mind if we talk for a second?"
"Um ... sure, Man Boobs." She stepped forward.
She certainly looked uncomfortable, but I wasn't being nearly as intimidating as I'd hoped. I straightened up and stiffened my shoulders. She cast a glance as the (securely shut) door as she said, "Okay. What's up?"
"Barbara, I heard you had an Oscar party last month."
"Yeah, I did. What about it?"
"You invited a lot of people, huh?"
She looked puzzled. "Yeah, I did."
"Why didn't you invite me?"
She gave me a look, as if to say, "Is that what all this is about?" Now that I had gotten what I wanted to say off of my chest, I must have relaxed a bit. She strode forward confidently. "Oh, that! Well, you see ..."
All of a sudden she looked over my shoulder and smiled. "Hey!" she said to whomever she saw there. I had been planning on us being alone and uninterrupted, so I looked over my shoulder with some chagrin. To my surprise, the door was still shut and there was no one there.
A split second later, her foot thudded into my groin. As I slid to the floor, my brain finally put the clues together. But by that time, Barbara was already out the door.
We haven't spoken since.
(Later that day, incidentally, I met one of the prospectives who was a cute young Asian woman in her mid-20s. I promptly honed in on her and we ended up talking for over an hour. She must have gotten mighty sick of me, but I was too smitten to notice and like most Asian girls she was too polite to show her displeasure. She didn't kick or knee me, but she ended up spilling her drink down the front of my pants, "on accident." She "apologized" profusely, but as I headed inside I heard her say to the waitress, also a cute young Asian woman, "God, I wanted to kick that guy in the balls so bad!!" The waitress sympathetically replied, "Yeah, he really seemed like a loser.")
Encounter with Asian girl's foot #2 happened just a few days ago, on Thursday. I was working in the psych lab. For the past few weeks, I've been crushing on a cute half-Asian girl named
Anyway, there was a part of my experiment where I was supposed to have the subject dip their hand in a bucket of ice water for five seconds (really!). Well, I didn't know where the ice was. I popped in to ask my boss, who was having lunch in another room, and he told me to have Violet show me. "Yes!" I thought to myself, "At last some quality time alone with the hot Asian chick."
Alas, it was not to be. Instead of coming with me, Violet told me where the ice storage chest was - eight floors down, on the ground floor. When I told her I wasn't sure where it was (still hoping to lure her to come with me), she gave comically (to her friends) exaggerated details about how to find it. Finally, I stormed out the door. As I was leaving, Violet suggested that I take my cell phone with me so I could call her "in case you get lost." It's not that big a building, so I could tell she was subtly mocking me. Still, I held in my temper and calmly informed her that a) I always carry my cell phone with me and b) I didn't have her number. I walked out before she could reply. As I went, I could hear the girls giggling, and I knew it was at my expense.
I got the ice and completed running the subject. As I came back into the lab room, the three girls were still sitting in a circle and talking. I emptied out the bucket and went over to join them.
"Hey Man Boobs," Violet said, "You find the ice chest all right?"
"Yeah, thanks," I said gruffly.
"Well, you might want to go back down and get another bucketful of ice."
She didn't even bother getting up. From where she was sitting, she just extended her leg, and the tip of her pointy-toed shoe got me. I crumpled to the ground in horrible agony.
As my vision started to blur, I saw
I slooowly rose to my feet and limped over to the sink. I picked up a bucket and limped out the door, the girls laughing at me all the while. I got into the elevator and rode down to the first floor. But when I saw the chest, I didn't bother with the bucket; since no one was around; I just grabbed the scoop and shoveled the ice down the front of my pants. Oh man, it felt SO GOOD. Of course, once the ice melted I didn't feel so great - after all, this was the second time in one week that I had an embarrassing dark stain on my pants in public...